Bill Gates' most recommended of the year! Take a look at "Anxious Generation" in one picture: The relationship between people is collapsing into "dispensable"

Bill Gates recently announced his four favorite books in 2024 on his blog "Gatesnotes". "The Anxious Generation: How the Great Rewiring of Childhood Is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness" written by the well-known social psychologist Jonathan Haidt ranked among them. The recommended list reminded Gates of his childhood and was deeply favored by him. What did this book say that touched Gates's heart so much? The following is an excerpt from the book.

Interaction patterns among teenagers are changing and people are becoming increasingly lonely

Children need to spend a lot of time playing face-to-face for social development. But I mentioned in Chapter 2 that the proportion of twelfth graders who said they get together with friends "almost every day" dropped sharply after 2009. You can see the details of their decline in time spent with friends in this chart, from a study of how different age groups in the United States use their time.

Average amount of time spent with friends per day by respondents of different age groups.

Not surprisingly, the youngest group (aged 15 to 24) spent more time with friends than the older group, possibly because the latter were employed or married. The difference was significant in the early 2000s, then gradually narrowed, and accelerated after 2013.

The 2020 data was compiled after the COVID-19 outbreak, which explains why the data lines for the two older groups curved in 2020. But the data line for the youngest group in 2019 didn't bend that much.

The decline caused by the first year of COVID-19 restrictions was not larger than the decline in the year before the outbreak of COVID-19. In 2020, we began to remind everyone to maintain social distance and avoid getting close to anyone "outside" people, but as soon as Generation Z got their first smartphone, they started to maintain social distance from others.

Of course, teenagers at the time probably didn't think they were going to lose friends, but thought they were just transferring friendships from the real world to Instagram, Snapchat, and online video game platforms. Aren't they the same thing?

Not the same. As Twenge points out, teens who spend more time using social media are more likely to develop depression, anxiety, and other mental illnesses, and spend more time engaging in activities with other young people (such as participating in team sports or religious groups). of teenagers have a healthier mental state.

This makes sense. Children need physical play that is face-to-face, simultaneous, and physically engaging. The healthiest play takes place outdoors, with occasional challenging physical activities and thrilling adventures.

It's also nice to use your phone to make video calls with close friends, as if you were adding video capabilities to an old-fashioned local phone. On the other hand, you stay alone in your bedroom and scroll through your phone constantly, browsing more content than you can finish; or you play video games for hours with frequently changing teammates and strangers; or you upload your own content and wait for other peers to share it. (or strangers) likes and comments.

These behaviors are far less desirable than face-to-face play and therefore should not be considered healthy forms of adolescent interaction.

They are time-consuming substitutes that reduce the amount of time teenagers spend together.

Smartphones divide our attention from life

The sharp decrease in time spent with friends actually underestimates the impact of childhood reshaping on social deprivation. Even when teenagers get together with friends face-to-face, a cell-phone-dominated childhood can undermine the quality of their time with friends.

Smartphones are so good at dividing our attention. As long as the phone vibrates in the pocket for 0.1 seconds, many people will automatically interrupt face-to-face conversations to avoid missing important latest information. Rather than interrupting someone and asking them to wait a moment, we usually take out our phones and take a moment to tap the screen with our fingers, which causes the other person to legitimately think that they are not as important as the latest message.

When the person you're talking to takes out their phone, or simply puts it (not even their own phone) in plain sight, the quality and intimacy of the social interaction decreases. As screen-based digital devices move from our pockets (phones) to our wrists (smartwatches), headsets and glasses (virtual reality), our ability to fully concentrate on social interactions with others may further decline.

No matter what your age, being ignored is painful. Imagine you are a teenager, trying to find your place and sense of belonging. Everyone you meet will tell you indirectly: You are not as important as the people on my phone.

Then now imagine yourself as a young child. Children's magazine "Highlights" conducted a survey of children aged 6 to 12 in 2014. As a result, 62% of the children surveyed said that their parents "often get distracted" when they want to talk to them. When asked about their parents' reasons for distraction, cell phone use was the most common response. Parents know they have wronged their children.

A 2020 Pew survey found that 68% of parents said they were sometimes or often distracted by their phones when spending time with their children, with the figure higher among younger and college-educated parents.

When every relationship seems dispensable...

The Great Reshaping of Childhood has devastated Gen Z's social lives, allowing them to stay connected to people around the world but leaving them disconnected from those around them. A letter written to me by a Canadian college student illustrates this phenomenon perfectly:

Gen Z is very isolated. Our friendships are shallow and our romantic relationships are dispensable, and these relationships are largely shaped and dictated by social media. The sense of community on campus is almost non-existent and this is evident.

Many times, I enter the classroom early to wait for class, and find that there are already more than 30 students sitting in the classroom. Everyone is staring at their smartphones. The whole classroom is quiet, and I can't hear any voices at all. I am afraid that speaking will be disturbed by other students. heard.

This further deepens feelings of isolation and undermines self-identity and self-confidence. I know this because I've experienced it myself.