The interpersonal science of "Atomic Habits": If you want to develop "good habits" in the new year, you must first learn to approach three types of people

When it comes to the new year and new hopes, we often fall into an overly idealistic state and set very ambitious goals, but we may also give up at the beginning... In fact, if we can develop "good habits" more smoothly in the new year, , will be helpful for realizing life dreams and career goals.

You may think that it is not difficult to develop good habits, right? But most of the good habits don't sound very attractive or even very hard to do. Exercise, lose weight, read...the results obtained by doing these things often take years and months. How can we make new habits and behaviors attractive at this stage?

How to develop good habits? Suggestions from "Atomic Habits": Lower the behavioral threshold and use "want" to drive "need"

Doing something you like (reward) and a habit you want to develop together is called "temptation bundling" in "Atomic Habits".

For example, there is an electrical engineering student who loves to watch Netflix. He knows that he watches too many TV shows, loses a lot of exercise time, and loses his body shape. In order to establish exercise habits, he used what he had learned to connect the flywheel to the TV and computer. When watching a drama, he had to step on a certain speed, otherwise the movie would be paused. With his love for watching dramas, he finally successfully defeated obesity.

In short, it is to tie together what you want to do (watch a drama) and what you must do (exercise), and let the behaviors with high execution ability drive the things with low execution ability.

Not only individuals, but also companies can use temptation bundling to "shape" customer behavior. When ABC (American Broadcasting Company) launched Thursday night programming in 2014, it encouraged viewers to prepare popcorn, wine, and a little escapism to enjoy Thursday night.

ABC connects what viewers need to do (watch the show on Thursday) with what they want to do (relax, drink), and in the process do one truly desired activity, viewers train themselves to engage in another tied activity. Things that go together; over time, the two things will automatically connect, and it will become easier to watch ABC programs.

"Atomic Habits": Integrate into the three major groups that can make new habits, and drive yourself with the need for recognition

Another desire is to belong. From the perspective of evolutionary history, human beings have always lived in tribes. Only by establishing good relationships with others and being recognized can they maintain personal safety. It's human nature to follow the crowd because everyone wants to feel validated.

Therefore, behaviors that help us integrate into a group can be said to be quite attractive. James Clear, founder of The Habits Academy points out that the fastest way to change or establish a new behavior is to join a group that sees that behavior as the norm.

The group contains 3 categories:

1. People close to you

A study followed 12,000 people for 32 years and found that if a person has a friend who is obese, the chance of becoming obese increases by 57%, and vice versa. Another study showed that the higher the IQ of a child's best friend when they were 11 to 12 years old, the higher their IQ was when they were 15 years old.

Family and friends create invisible peer pressure, causing us to absorb the traits and habits around us, pulling us in their direction. If you want to start exercising, contact more friends who can exercise; if you want to develop a habit of reading, you might as well talk to relatives and friends who can read.

2. People who share the same concept

I read reviews before booking a restaurant and search for must-see attractions before traveling. Are you also used to doing this? People are naturally herd-oriented and prefer to rely on the group to guide their behavior when faced with uncertainty. Try to surround yourself with people who have the habits you want, and the behavior will last longer.

It must be noted that when changing behavior means challenging the group, the habit will not be attractive; on the contrary, if it means integrating into the group, it will have an attractive effect.

3. Influential people

People crave success and praise, and it is instinctive to learn behaviors that can gain respect. So when you see books such as "37 Little Habits of Successful People" and "50 Winner's Rules of Successful Entrepreneurs" on the bookshelf, you will have the desire to read them. Try to imitate the people you admire and envy, and use them as benchmarks to push yourself.

Since the way to build a habit is to make it attractive, we can also make a bad habit unattractive and quit it. "Atomic Habits" explains that behind every behavior there are surface desires and underlying motivations. For example, "I want to eat a hamburger for dinner" is desire, while the deep motivation is "I am hungry and need to eat."

Cut off the attraction of bad habits and think of alternatives

Simply reprogramming the brain to evoke the deeper meaning of doing a behavior and emphasizing the benefits of avoiding a habit will make bad habits lose their appeal.

Take smoking as an example. Most people smoke just to socialize and reduce stress. The fact is that smoking does not relax your nerves, but destroys your health. Smoking has nothing to do with social interaction. The key lies in communication skills. You want to smoke because you connect the solution (smoking) with the problem you want to solve (social interaction, stress reduction), and your brain is liberated from it, and you want a cigarette when it worries you.

You should think about alternatives. If you need to reduce stress, what else can you do in life and work to replace "smoking breaks"? Establish other private communications with colleagues and what can be done to enhance communication. Quitting smoking won't be difficult when you understand that you don't "need" to smoke to achieve the same goal.