One Thursday in mid-January, I spent six hours in a dark conference room with my fellow manager students. That day was a group coaching session. Each manager had 30 minutes to describe the cross-cultural challenges he had experienced at work, and then other participants at the same table provided feedback and suggestions. Everyone talks about their situation, and there are so many ins and outs, and I started to get a headache from being so engrossed in the details of those challenges. We have listened to the stories of 9 people, and now it is the turn of the 10th William.
A real experience of group counseling: Dutch culture shock
William is a somewhat shy manager from the Netherlands. This quiet guy is actually a marketing manager, which makes people feel very special. He has slightly messy gray hair and a very friendly smile that reminds me of a cute St. Bernard dog.
The problem William encountered was related to an American woman on his team. This colleague lives on the East Coast of the United States, with a six-hour time difference from Rotterdam, so every time the team has a meeting, she has to call in while driving her kids to school. William found the background sound of the child screaming distracting and hoped that she could find a way to improve it, but as soon as the words came out, the other party immediately turned against.
"How can I repair our relationship?" William asked his tablemates.
Martin, another Dutchman in William's company, knew him well. Martin immediately jumped out to express his opinion. He said accusingly: "You are inflexible and unsociable, which is why you have difficulty communicating with your team." While Martin was speaking, I saw William's ears gradually turning red. (Is this embarrassment? Or anger? I'm not sure.) But Martin seemed completely unfazed and still calmly criticized William's shortcomings in front of the entire group.
At that moment, the other members, all Americans, looked down at their feet in embarrassment. After the group coaching session, several people came up to me and told me that they felt Martin's comments were very inappropriate.
That night we organized a team dinner at a cozy restaurant in the French countryside. I went in a little later than others, and was surprised to find William and Martin sitting together like old friends for many years, eating peanuts, drinking champagne, and laughing.
They waved to me, and it seemed like a good time to say, "It's nice to see you all together. After that class meeting this afternoon, I was worried you'd never speak to each other again." William looked at me in surprise. So I made it clearer: "You seemed a little unhappy when Martin gave you feedback, but maybe I didn't understand the situation?"
William reflected on himself: "Of course, I am not very 'pleased' to hear these things about myself. It doesn't feel good to hear people say how bad my performance is. But I am very grateful to Martin for being so open and honest with me. Response. Feedback like this is a gift! Thank you, Martin." He added a grateful smile at the end.
I thought to myself: "This Dutch culture is really 'different' from ours!"
There comes a time in your life when that kind of overly blunt and intense criticism suddenly falls on you.
You've just completed an important project and asked a colleague for advice, only to be told that you were "completely unprofessional." Or, someone on your team criticizes your grant application for being "incredibly useless." You may find this remark very uncomfortable, or you may think that this colleague is too arrogant. Maybe you will resist the other person's suggestions and develop a strong feeling of hatred for him, which will not go away.
Maybe you have had the opposite experience. If you've ever encountered a very indirect response, you probably know how valuable that kind of honest evaluation of your work is; maybe when you asked a colleague what he thought of a project of yours, he told you: "In general Very good. Some parts are great, I particularly like some passages in it." Then he picked out some very minor details and suggested that you make some adjustments, and then said "It's not a big deal" and "It's just a small comment." Words like that make you feel like your work is almost perfect.
Later, through the grapevine, you found out that your colleague was laughing at your case behind your back, saying it was "the worst case I've seen in years." You probably didn't feel happy, and probably had a deep feeling of betrayal. , or even develop a sense of distrust towards your colleague for a long time, feeling that he is a liar or a hypocrite in your eyes.
Understand the subtle differences among cross-cultural team members! The workplace cultures of the Netherlands, China, the United States, and France are all different.
Arrogance and dishonesty do exist, and sometimes people even deliberately attack people to pursue political goals or because of personal emotional problems. But in some cases, like the unpleasant events discussed above, it is the result of cross-cultural misunderstandings.
Managers in different parts of the world respond in very different ways because of habits they have developed over many years. What Chinese managers learn is: never criticize colleagues publicly or in front of others; Dutch managers must remain honest no matter what and speak directly; Americans are taught to package negative messages in positive messages; The French are eager to criticize but cautious when giving positive feedback.
It is important for leaders of cross-cultural teams to understand these differences and master the secrets of navigating comfortably between them.
